All this time

How is it possible to  this grumpy just after waking up. See someones face and remember all my worries at once. It's not weekend anymore. It's not saying 46kg anymore and I kind of want to revenge it to myself because of someone else, I can tell myself I'm doing something "because he makes me  do it" - and everything is just better for awhile.

little girl
pick yourself up 
don't blame the world

We are going to move this weekend, not much packed yet. I rather feel myself tiny and helpless and sink to a tub of ice cream.Maybe I'll give today my new controller and Valkyria Chronicles a try. Not forgetting I need to scketch something to our van-sessions ( painting Jari's car) !!!- "things that want to me to go home and suck up this surely bad day at work"

Music Challenge day 09 a song that you can dance to 
in fact I can dance to  ANY music, but lets go with this as this is spinnable with a pole

A weekend in Kerava residence

Yesterday I got ready for my co-worker's (at CyberShop) School uniform picnic - I chose a kogal/kogyaru way - collared shirt, ribbon, pleated skirt, loafers ( had only "kind-of" ones..) loose sweater and socks.
The picnic turned to be held inside in her apartment cause of the cold weather. Met lots of new interesting people and filled my tummy with delicious carrot rolls and blueberry pastries <3


In the evening I went to my GameStop co-worker's place to try out our Defqon tent!
His place is awesome and the backyard is gigantic. The tent was set in a few minutes and we watched the whole evening video-clips /w animals. Dispite of the wind and chilly weather - and the fact I *haaaate* cold we spent the night in the tent. Exciting and childish - slept well.
This 6.00¨ man is approved Defqon companyyyyy ＼(＾▽＾*)


After a delicious breakfast we drove to Solvalla aboard my two other team mates to our stunt and acrobat rich practice ^^ Lately our team moments have been full of fun and... some very new enthusiastic spirit!!! For warm-up we have dodge ball ( something surprisingly new) and a reallyyy thorough warm-up meant for doing acrobat - where everybody was allowed to do things that they really didn't know yet like running stunts or standings, I chose simply the back tuck - love it. :3 As stunts we did liberties w/ 2 bases and big A's.


Cheer photos by Laura Larmi

ps. I dislike lying scales............................... "lucky" it's weekdays again and I can sweat over what i stuff my mouth with.

Music Challenge day 08 A song that you know all the words to simply thinking this way, also I were at Avril's Helsinki gig where I lost my voice while singing along

Able minds to be set free

Yesterday I again woke up with the most delight feeling! Had already a itch for a good day!
Started with sewing - finished actually the hoodie and short set yesterday!
Brought some cake to Game Stop and oof I went to continue my evening shift to CyberShop, Kamppi. We've go loads of new stuff especially from Hell Bunny which are extremely adorable!
Every time I'm working there I want to either stretch my lobes more with those colorful tunnels or just put all the salary I got back to the store ;)



Yesterday, it was confirmed that we get the Töölö apartment. I'm adaptive to place to place, but some how it's still left me wobbly though it's a step - this whole summer actually - will be financially a big step closer to "Christmas in Japan". ( Which was an idea when i catched again in the morning I had to wear all redwhite :P) Cause I have been for YEARSSSS wanted to go there, and this spring was too catastrophic for them..... AND I LOOOOOOOOOOVE Christmas!!! So it will be the best combination everrrrr!!! ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼




Today's the school uniform day!!! And tenting!! I have a nostalgic feeling of sleep-overs now :3

Music Challenge day 07 a song that reminds me of a certain event
This was released at assembly but this remainds me of Breakpoint, crowd and decrease of drunkness

Turning to paper, to rock, to plastic

I should finish this layout before going to Defqon...
Skinny girl diet sucks in my case, I eat normally all the calories "allowed" only for breakfast .__.

I'm for an exchange wondering over my hair color. Perhaps I should decide to dye to be 2-toned like brown and blond... there's not much colors i think that goes with a brown hair color than blond...

Evening shifts are definitely me - I feel more lively, more myself. This last couple of days I have been sewing things for Defqon: A funny pack, which needs still a Hello Kitty patch and a strap.
And out of the fabric found last summer a hoodie and a pair of (literally) shorts :3


Today I'm going to work at Cyber Shop, before that some cleaning and filling up some papers to denounce my apartment - but I'm going to save the papers until I hear about the other apartment. *zignk*

Music challenge day 06 a song that reminds me of somewhere
Autobahn, spring, noon, sandy colors, computer car and a man who didn't smile. I can still feel the speed and my exhaustion, feeling like a tiny child being taken to a place where I wasn't ready yet.

It's about tommorrows yesterday

Was a stormy night in my head.
It's easier to write in the morning, instead of thinking the whole day what to write instead of "what just happened", yesterday sounds so much better.
I'm gathering around me stuff which counts days. Calories, music, exercise diaries..
This day is named 500.

This morning I have been sewing a pair of cute pants for me, which I imagine wearing on the trip to Travemunde- and then forward to Defqon.
Last night got a huuuuuge tantrum about Jouni wanting a dog over ferrets. ( My family has a ferret ) Simply can't consider or believe US having a dog. It has always been MY dream, ME taking care of dogs, MINE everything. He is the kid who wants a hamster but doesn't really understand what that wanting is. But he wants it because I demand it.

In the other hand this dream having a dog would help me be 45kg until Defqon.
I should walk a imagination dog 3 times a day, it keeps me busy reading dog books etc.
I've always thought that it's impossible to be able to take care of someone else if you are not well and satisfied in yourself.


Music Challenge day 05 a song that reminds me of someone
stingy eyes, bad mouth, a strong body with me in a bath tub, the tub in a room full of smoke

Just a bit more

Got these awesome pictures taken by Nelly Tatti at the latest Helsinki Ink '11 convention.


Today I... felt thinner, cried at work, played Fallout 3 with our apprentice in our backroom.
Ate strawberries and one falafel-hamburg. Felt ugly - I wonder how some people whose blogs I read manage to go thru days only with fluids. If I wont get breakfast I get grumpy... when I haven't eat enough I will take the triple amount of food in the evening for sure.

Jouni just checked out one appartment in Töölö - which seems to be huge, with a unpractical layout but with a good location!

Waiting for the weekend. Friday with Cyber and Joona Nikiseni pullonavaajaiseni.
On Saturday a huge school uniform picnic and trying out our tent for Defqon. Summer is definitely here!

Also talked with one friend located in Middle East - sound like Oktoberfest brings us together!


Music Challenge day 4 a song that makes me sad

Nothing else matters

Yesterday it was like my mood. a 200kg cash safe dumped in front of my face - deal with it.

Felt like I haven't been in practice for a ages!! We did partner stunts and quite free acrobatic. Was fun. For a long time I felt like I didn't want those practice ever to end. I felt so happy an alive!

Music challenge day 3 a song that makes me happy
saw a video a while ago where there was bunch of ferrets and this music. Jolly animals <3

I'm lost without you

I saw Sucker Punch for the second time yesterday. Call it faux or commercial I'm over whelmed of the Rrriot attitude!

This morning I felt like... being scared of myself. Little by little I have been this feeling that people who first made me happy are slowly suffocating me. I don't spend time with my family or other friends - I actually have to schedule them, I feel like I'm forced to please to all of them - like they don't realize I have only the same 24hours in my own day.

I miss Turku girls, colours. Jari told me I should wear more orange.




Today we went to a apartment display in central of Helsinki. The location was great, but the apartment was poor, very low and dark.

Despite the fact I don't want to be anywhere be permanent, I kinda need to anchor myself somewhere in the name of practicality.
Maybe this kind of a sacrifice will let me travel more and be free in future.





Music Challenge Day 02 Least favorite song

Story of a lonely guy - and nobody cares

.. gotta love iPhone4 for making it possible to catch these kind of moments ^______^


Yesterday, a similar day at work like the whole week but first time with a good mood. We drove to Kerava at Jari's place to eat and get some of my jewelery project started.
In the evening we headed to Playground ( which is just across the street where I live) one of our Defqon 1 crew mate, Jani, was throwing a set there. Playground is cool, and the floor was full for Jani - I so wonder how he felt like seeing everybody dancing like that!! So couple of other friends and didn't even dance myself until exhaustion.
We left Playground around 3am, ate the most bizarre falafel bread and wandered our way threw the church's park home with Jari. Having a talk about restoring, church art, trams...
When we arrived Jouni was already preparing a place for jari and we both passed out.



This morning at 8am saw the most perky side of both guys - ever! We were going to have brunch on 10 and Jari went to check his sister's new car.
Fazer's breakfast has been my favorite and will be forever. Though Dylan had more jams, different salads and a large tea selection, Fazer's breakfast beats Dylan because of cakes and on Sundays they also offer pancakes, chocolate sauce and cream!



Few days ago I bothered to wake up early and actually do something to my hair. Seriously, I dont understand those "gyaru-fanatics" who go through the all hassle with curling their hair every morning - it does look nice and cute but it goes without saying that it's a time sucker!


I have kind of a woman -crisis... One guy told me that high heels bring an extra whip to a girls style. Usually I don't care and I love colorful sneakers, but then... it's true. And actually I have so many pairs of nice heels but cause of my work and nolifeisness haven't got any good reason to have a foxy walk. Music Challenge Day 01 - My favorite Song

That night

7.00 am I scream, cry and sort out places
9.00 am I'm happy and we filled our first apartment application

I received some post. It made me wonder how is it possible to let go of my past if I time to time wish it to be the present.

Not so lazy days

Have been celebrating for the whole week Finland's most fresh championship in hockey. I have let it been visible by wearing blue-white hair bows and by wearing theme colored wear at practice ;P
Today was our last time performing our routine in our teams spring show, a bunch of us are planning to quit - kind of nervous who will I still see at next weeks practice on Tuesday.



My one most insane challenges are loosing 5 kg - the ones i gained in Israel and London.
But how on earth can i stay on my track as i lack of self control. Taking advantage on our customers who buy me ice cream, cause i want to and as I fancy the idea of having a brunch on every weekend. Lucky that Dylan's bistro had not-so-tasty-and-moist cakes.... So I didn't eat twice of all of the different kinds.
Last week it happened to me, I ate too much and threw up. I love eating.


As Spring is passing, Summer is coming there's also things to be prioritized. Feelings and thing I have to ditch.
I love driving with mr. J, Huge Dude. He makes me feel so lively and tired for laughing but in the other hand i still feel like a smoushy eggplant. I know why but I don't want to believe to the truth, cause Gaga also hates it.


Constantly still thinking aside of all these dorama, that most important points this summer are to just get along with everybody, getting thinner and... be a better cheerleader!!

I just XXXXXX cause I can and want

Lately I have been.... like a testosterone-OD terrier.
Because... I hate men, their lazy and dirty attitude asses not forgetting that we have to find a new apartment with Jouni as the rent is going up in our current home in the most perfect location ever.

After searching for a while found a nice apartment from Vuosaari. Tomorrow we'll probably hear more about it, staying calm and optimistic.

Noticed that it's started to be green outside, and loved to see my team mates wearing sunglasses.
There's always something sunny and shiny-joyful after all :)
After good moments among cheerleading I ran to CyberShop to get my new shifts - no wonder my heart is so tiny, there's itsy-bitsy pieces of it all over the store. I love all the girls and boys there <3
School girl picnic is getting closer and closer. Dressing up is sooo one of my passions!

My social life sucks and it's poor and I don't really like to sweat about it.
Friend zone is the new word, and it brings me goosebumps.

Odotin vaikken halunnut odottaa.
Odotin jotain lukemista jotta voisin lukea.
Ennen koneen avaamista luin koiralehteä ja halusin
pennun kasvatusoppaan.
Kun ei tarvinnut enää odottaa en uskaltanutkaan lukea.

Jatkan siivoamista jotta voin palkita itseni lukemisella.
Kerätä silleen rohkeutta ja olla puhki, ettei se tuntuis miltään.

Eilen sanoin haluavani leikkiä kotia.
Aikuisena se on pakko aikatauluttaa.
Tänään on keittiö, vessa ja olohuone myös eteistä.
Sotkuinen työ- ja kylpyhuone on omi häpeäpilkkuja
perjantaiksi.

Treeneissä oli eilen kivaa, oli hiki ja syke.
Tykkään juosta stuntteihin, tuntu että kaikki meni paremmin.
Urheilu on rakkautta, ja on kiva kuulla että sisko haluaisi urheilun pariin takaisin.

Tuppo tukkaa

It's about feeling yourself awesome, backpacks and rainbow kicks.
Going the way your legs fly you.

To dye my hair every two weeks.
Changing my opinion about my looks once in while.
Upgrading optional boyfriends once in a year.
Getting interested of someones hobby, when ever I see one.

Everything you love is close to your heart

Last fall was about being stressed of how can I provide my future, now I don't want to even think ... to the future.

Having a long talk about commitment and permanent choices
felt like someone saying to my face that my favorite colours are blue and beige, and I also enjoy sticking pickles to my butt hole.
Someday I might love blue, also I'll only think about those other options but I don't value them as being necessary. My only commitments are tattoos on me and animals, they have an instant access to my heart.

Colours and dancing - sunshine, summer is the furthest what I'm willing to think about because it's going to be perfect.

Vielä

Ei ole lähdön tunnelmaa. Lontoo kutsuu kuitenkin, ainakin kaksi lentokoneateriaa.

Eilen olin soikiona kun totesin että jonkun perhe voi olla yhtä suloinen kuin henkilö. Omassani jokaisella on enemmän tai vähemmän teräviä reunoja.

Valitsen sankarini itse. Itseasiassa minä en sitten moottoripyörähiirien halunnut olla pelastettava tyttö. Kiva tietää kuitenkin että joku on Hawkemainen, puhun usein teini-olosta joka luultavasti tarkoittaa vain sitä sisäistä tunnetta jolloin kissat kehräisivät. Kissat ei puhu kun tuntuu hyvältä.
Eilen yritin piirtää tyttö Hawkea.

3 varttia musiikkia hiljempaa koska on pyhäpäivä. Tahtoisin taivastella tätä pyyntöä suolakurkut kädessä, avautua ja olla että no minä menen muualle.

Vielä pitäisi tehdä vaikka mitä, en tee niitä. Tanssin ikkunaprinsessaa niissä eilisissä tähti pikkuhousuissa koska tahdon, ei koska pitää. Kuuntelen suomipoppia, ei ole enää niin ikävä.
Pikkuhousujen mukana menisi eilinenkin. Todella ikävää.

Kahvia ja suklaata. Hiustuotteet tuoksuu hyvältä.
Jestas, en nähnyt missä hän käy suihkussa - puhumme usein suihkussa olemisesta.

Helsinki Ink 2011

( You can click the image to be larger, pardon my crappy english I'm still learning )
Saturday came and this ment buzzing machines and cute boys for me!

So I was planning to get a tattoo of my ferret on back of my hand, and expected it to take 5-6 hours.
I came there early and met the most beautiful lady in the planet, Agrypa, whose portfolio I already drooled over months ago.
Never been in a tattoo convention and I was kind of nervous what will be happening.

We changed the plan and did my side arm instead, this Polish tattoo artist really has some eye on how to make the picture to fit to ones arm. she sketched the frames straight to my arm - and then it was already time to go.

I have heard that it doesn't hurt so much to be tattooed on your side arm - I strongly disagree!
Any time the needles were poking my shoulder or near my arm pit I wanted to cry like a baby! :D



This tattoo convention seemed to have a very relaxed and friendly atmosphere. People came to look at her work or came talking to me, which made me forget the pain.

In the next door booth was the German Dark Shadow Tattoo crew who noticed that I was first trying to read a book but couldn't concentrate at all :DD They were super nice! They kept feeding me lollipops and offering candy - along side giving me faces which made me laugh.

People started realizing that I've been sitting there for hours.. So they seemed to be very interested on what was being done. Lot's of pictures were taken and one interview :3

There wqas the morning silence, the rush hours and the feeling of that this place is going to soon be closed. We had a quick eating break and a tiny toilet break but otherwise it was straight thru. Sat there for 10 hours - I must admit that the last hours were like extremely uncomfortable. I wonder how tattoo artist pull off those long sessions o_O

I felt like crying when I started to see the face of my ferret, which actually looks like it's looking back when I look at my arm.
Thank you, Agrypa for your time - I'm so speachless. I have a prove in my arm that she can make something that I couldn't even imagine to be possible!

Thank you also you random drunk man, Dark Shadow tattoo crew for making my laugh once in a while, Jouni for being there when needed, Nelly and Saija and co!<3

Tough I'm thinking now that NEVER AGAIN.. getting tattooed ouchieee - I want to go thru lots of tattoo conventions!
Nice people and super good music not forgetting the roller derby girls!
THANK YOU!

Closer

Theese pictures were taken today. I think there has been some progress since last pictures :)

Today I spent my day at Gamestop - I still love my job!
One customer came today and apologized for being such an ... well jerk - I think it was sweet!

After work we were supposed to go play ping pong w/my friend but the hall was full so - we just went home and I finally cleaned up and made this more "my home".
ALSO I FOUND A STARCRAFT 2 poster!!!<3
I have huge plans to find frames which are big enough for that and to my Dead space 2 poster.
Dead Space 2 will be my game - I can feel it... <3

Edy Poppy says it best

^ I ordered a book, Anatomia. Monotonia. by Edy Poppy. Never waited for any book like this before :)

Lately I have been unbelievably-moody!! Of course being a girl, hormones could be blamed.
But I think this all PMSisyesisnesss roots from my very poor diet going hand on hand with my too harsh fasting - which has proven to be the top of things "DONT DO THIS EVER!!"
For example days I tried to survive only with coffee, and eat protein food only when there was practice. WRONG WRONG. Maybe it gives some results but they won't be lasting.
So eyes in quality not in quantity :3

Today, cause of my temper I concentrated more to details in today's cheer practice.
Listened what was told to the other flyers - one our new flyer is such an incredibly fast learner! :o
I reaaaaaalllly am jealous of her skills in a good way! <3
Also our coaches push every team member do handsprings which I consider as a good factor.
Lately we have been doing so much new things I'm so excited!

Later, as I was in a middle of mental typhoon. Jouni took me shopping. Usually shopping sucks, because this is finland and it's winter = cloths are sold in tones which i dont consider as colours...
My mood was lifted by food and new things at Stockmann. We ate at Zetor, it's really one of my favorite restaurants ^^

At home Jouni wanted to try the Pomodoro technique to me. I haven drawn on ages, so doing my compo entry for Revision had a very muddy start last night. Today I realized that, no worries, i'll start with human studies, then mutations ( trying not to expose my entry-idea ;) ), arrangements and colours.
This will be great. And like in cheerleading I want this to be a piece which pushes my skills to its limits!!

In the evening we still went to the gym (Kisahalli) with Jouni.
We have our shared goal for Revision, which we have scheduled to be worked on every Sunday!
I did some stretches with him in front of the mirror. No pictures again.
Not wanting to beat my own drum BUT I think there has been some progress!
After nationals, bow-n-arrow was just impossible to even think! Scorpion was a totally joke... etc.
Now when we do them at practice, I manage to get the position by myself without feeling completely embarrassed and laughing to myself. Also I count it as an achievement that I'm able to keep my balance though the position isn't perfect!

So a happy end to this day ~ I'll continue with drawing then a nice sleep :)

Start of the new cheer season!

Our team has now 34 beautiful and talented girls!

First, all the flyers had to show their stunt stretches, arabesques, bow-and-arrows etc.
Like always I totally fail in these but this time had more self-confidence as I knew I had practiced them... and tried my best! I have some serious problems in doing anything with my left side - it made every one laugh apart :DD

We did some new stunts, and I got known with our new base Marja :)
Noticed that I need to control more my upper body.

Yesterday, started playing Dead Nation - as far it has been very simple and routine-like, so hope this Finnish dude's have something for suprise.
Also, as one customer brought her PSP to be fixed, I had a hunger for one too.
So my bf gave me one and we loaded God of War, Patapon, Wipeout pulse some to mention.

My one beloved friend called that she got the job I offered to her. We haven't ment since summer!! So I'm going to pay a visit to her place on Thursday and have some cacao <3
Can't wait! <3

The difference of want and need is self control

I didn't upload any pictures cause in my opinion my stretching has suffered a setback and it made me so angry that ....PMS RAGE RAGE WHINE WHINE ANGER ANGER

This week I attended a tumbling camp - it was fun and fast! I notices that a front tuck is more my thing than a back tuck.
Also I found out that we have to give out some personal goals which are meant to be achieved in a month.
I feel so disappointed right now. crybabycrybaby.

Lost 2,4kg since nationals, not feeling THAT fat anymore but still..

Bought Red dead redemption - undead nightmare for PS3. I love zombies, so I love this game! Though it's very simple, so it's a very beginner friendly.
Vanquish for xbox is pure looooooooooooove <3 Maybe too fast for me but simple controls.

It has begun!

(Okay, I'm a crappy flyer but trying my best! Going to update progress pictures in future to hopefully see some difference - A long way to go but it's going to be a nice trip )


So the ultimate challenge to be a top flyer in the best team of times! >:B
..Lately I have been sweating with Kinect Dance Central which is actually a surprisingly good game! - after gaming done some stretching!
Cause I'm so impatient I want fast results:
I have tried to pick up any advices from stretching for street dancing, ballet and of course cheerleading.
As I'm not flexible naturally this is one of the not-so-comfy but fastly rewarding challenges! :)

Winter diamandis

I switched my work, nationals are coming, like every winter I'm lost

So because there wasn't really shifts to be done or no one leaving one of the most awesome store in Helsinki, Cybershop - As I couldn't afford waiting I searched for more.
I started this week at Gamestop, there's cool people both sides of the counter. Only thing where i seem to suck is when it comes to technology and to the functions of the computer :D

After 2 weeks I'll start in Blippo, a store focused on japanese pop-culture and fashion. Can't wait <3

This winter I feel lost again. I have the most perfect bf ever, but then it makes really look forward to Cybershops's xmas party, or call me friends for bubblebobble when I see that my bf is nicknamed dracula..... and poker.
Like I have anything to say as i'm full of dorky things.
I miss a person with whom i thought i didnt really have anything. Someone standing over me, dominate my being. Saves me.

This news: Christopher Nolan + Inception + game = gameorgasm?